We spoke yesterday as though all was okay and as we conversed, we pretended the snarling shadows didn’t exist, we clowned about things that didn’t matter, the colour of hay, the rain in May but never the dismay. I stood pretending you hadn’t hurt me just like you assumed I was okay. The both of us skating on invisible ice, back flipping and bolero skipping like Torvill and Dean, obeying rules that shouldn’t have applied on our grounds.

Yesterday we were performing not unlike the way we did when we first met.
You reached out for your wallet as I argued that the bill should at the very least be split in half. We settled the tab but not our differences and walked our separate paths to a place called home. The cab journey should have been relaxing, your hand resting on my knee should have been inviting. The warmth of your shoulder filling what would have been empty space next to my head should have had me beaming.

We spoke like we were meeting again, for the first time. It reminded me of our true first meeting. I don’t remember us being awkward around each other as we are now.
On our first meeting, I fell for you. When we first touched, I melted around you. I remember hoping we would always be able to have a series of firsts but I should have been more specific. This first I could have done without.

Lets keep this series of meetings in continuum, I don’t ever want to have a last
You’d said, reading my mind again
Your smile just then was like the first time we met.
Just five minutes ago, I met you for the first time today.
I noted for the first time this afternoon how truly amazing your gestures can be
I chided myself for focusing on the transgressions that cannot be changed, the words that cannot be unspoken. Surely having new moments from here on was what mattered?

There. You did it again. You looked at me like a stranger, made me forget whatever it was that set us back. You speak, I agree. Yes, lets ...

Chances are we’ll meet for the first time again
And on our first meeting, I’ll fall for you
On our first touch, I’ll be lost in a whirlpool of you
I’d like to keep this series of firsts, because it just wont do having a last